So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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