Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
