Just fell off a train. Bad.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
