You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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