You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
