Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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