and you said cock pushups were impossible
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
