I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I cockslap morals
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
