Where is the hickey?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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