I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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