just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
