we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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