Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
