You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
