soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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