Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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