you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
