Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
