I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
