I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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