Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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