i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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