I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
