I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she smelled like a LAN party
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
