I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
