If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
