her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
