My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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