Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
4 words: hood of his car
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
