she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
