Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
