you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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