Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
