There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
