I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
