swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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