I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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