three words: i give head
three words: not that well
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
