i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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