happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
cat food counts as protein by the way
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
