just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
