just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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