sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
