Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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