respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
