my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
