Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
