Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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