is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
