These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
