Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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