you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
