I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
