I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
