real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
tell your sister to shave her snatch
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
